8 Heart Breaking Facts About Trauma Bond to A Narcissist

Trying to explain a trauma bond doesn’t do it justice, one has to experience it.

Chris Freyler
2 min readApr 26, 2022


Unsplash Dalton Smith

A trauma bond is defined as:

Trauma bonds are emotional bonds with an individual that arise from a recurring, cyclical pattern of abuse perpetrated by intermittent reinforcement through rewards and punishments. The process of forming trauma bonds is referred to as trauma bonding or traumatic bonding-Wikipedia

The stark reality of trauma bond is you will become bonded and not realize it until after the break-up. The bond is slowly created with all the ups, downs, pushes, and pulls in a toxic relationship.

Once it is created, it feels impossible to go on in life without this person. What you believe is love is nothing more than an almost unbreakable bond that will take months to detach from and even longer to heal.

Once you become aware you are trauma bonded, the real work begins. Breaking a bond of this magnitude isn’t for the faint of heart. It is, hand down, one of the most challenging tasks you will face in life.

Below are eight things I realized in my journey of breaking a trauma bond.

  • You develop a “love” for someone you will be forced to hate.
  • You will confuse the “love” you have with abuse.
  • The chemical bond trauma bond creates is as addictive as heroin.
  • You will crave the very person you despise.
  • Cognitive dissonance(the good/bad pull) creates the trauma bond — the abuse followed by floods of attention and love bombing.
  • A trauma bond can’t be broken until you break the cognitive dissonance.
  • You end up chasing an image that you were led to believe existed but never did. The bond will cause you to pursue and chase an illusion you created in your own mind.
  • Suppose you are unfortunate enough to suffer the rasp of a trauma bond. It will be hands down one of the biggest challenging and heartbreaking tasks you take in life as you try to break it.



Chris Freyler

Mistake Maker Extraordinaire .Writing from a place I don’t understand at times. I write to help myself, in return hope it helps you. Just another Quora guy.