Member-only story
Are Victims of Narcissists Abuse in Denial, or Are They Confused?
It could be a combination of both or insanity.
It’s not denial. It is confusion.
The back-and-forth banter in my brain is excruciating at times. I wish I could shut my overthinking off.
The back and forth of yes, but no drives me insane. I have to repeatedly replay all the mean shit she has done to me multiple times daily to keep the truth and reality in check.
Because it’s easy to go down that dark rabbit hole of self-doubt and see the illusion of potential that isn’t there, I have a habit of replaying the “reactive abuse” in my mind and wanting to take the majority of the blame. I am no saint by any means, but I didn’t deserve the manipulation dished out to me. But in reality, I was a volunteer for years after the first couple of times.
I will talk myself into sending one last “nice” email to see if she’s OK. Only to flip, wanting to send another hate-filled attack of how badly she has hurt me; it’s frustrating, to say the least.
It doesn’t matter if they are narcissists or not. You wouldn’t have spent days, weeks, months, or years researching what the fuck is wrong with them if something wasn’t “off.”
