Do You Consider Your Abuser a “Good” Person?

Depends, which one?

Photo by Yosh Ginsu on Unsplash

I’ve had a few, but in that few it’s not like I didn’t partake in the extracurricular activity too, other than childhood.

I’d like to say at the core, “most” are good people. It’s just most have had some shit happen in childhood/life that have put them on a path to protecting themselves in a sense, think “coping” mechanisms. And sometimes when people “cope,” in unhealthy ways, other people get hurt in the process, and sometimes badly.

Many times the ones doing the “hurting” aren’t aware they are doing it. It’s how they survive, it’s what they do. It’s confusing I know, but it’s how my mind runs at times.

In the end, I am my biggest abuser, period.

Yea, there may have been some that got the ball rolling, but it’s all on me now. If you stay in the constant, perpetual cycle of playing victim, it’s exactly what you will be. All while lacking any accountability to push you in the right direction to heal.

Abusing myself makes me comfortable in an uncomfortable way. The more I can fuck my life up, the more I can work on just “fixing” what I fucked up, and not fixing at the core what keeps me repeating this vicious cycle of hell.