Member-only story
Dying to be Me
Chasing a feeling abuse caused that you believe love can fix.
I try and talk myself out of my feelings, but haven’t had much success. I’m even trying to talk myself into a self-diagnosis of Borderline, which very well could be the case. But does it really matter? They are both very similar.
If you have Complex-PTSD, you’ve had some pretty horrific reoccurring trauma that happened in your life. You can’t run from it. You can’t date, drink, drug, exercise, or eat your way to normalcy.
Although the normal you think you chase comes in the comfort of the abuse you crave.
It’s a dog eat self kinda world. You will do anything to hide, blend in, escape, to not feel anything while chasing the feel of something.
Does that make sense?
Fear is your main drive in life. If you are scared as fuck you are comfortable there. If you are in complete chaos at the same time, it’s a pure euphoric sick bliss with a twist!
I wouldn’t wish the bullshit on anyone.
It’s a horrible way to live.
It’s like having a plastic back on your head with a small pin size hole where you know if you breathe slowly, you might survive, but who are we bullshitting here? That’s not survival, it’s death by…
