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Honesty Doesn’t Exist in a World of Delusion
Just listen, and then watch.
I’m about to become “home” less, in about two weeks. To say I’m a bit nervous, or second guessing myself is putting it mildly. But I always question myself, doubt myself, and make the wrong choices, so if this flops, it won’t really surprise me. I’m used to digging my own holes.
I hope it doesn’t, but I need to do something different, and in a drastic way.
The 50 years of my existence have led me up to this embarrassing point in life. I have gotten rid of everything, not that I’ve had anything to begin with. They are all just “things” is the way I look at it. Things can be replaced.
I have a car, an income, and a little bit of sanity left, if you call it that, but that’s more than many.
I’m 50 years old, no wife, no kids, no mortgage, no retirement, no savings, NOTHING, I’m going all in on ME.
One thing I do have is an addiction, but I look at addictions different than most. I’m using it to mask something deep within myself. There is no therapist, 12 step group, medication, or awakening, that is going to help me. I have to dig DEEP with a broken shovel, and I’m tired. I feel so far out of society, I can’t explain it no more.
