Member-only story
How Can Life be Rebuilt After Mental Illness?
It has nothing to do with positivity.
By not thinking positive, but diving into the pain. Not only that, but remembering who you were before the pain started.
I learned to read people long ago, way before I even knew I could do it. I learned to listen to the subtle cues in people voice, their tone/demeanor, the discrepancies in what they meant by what they didn’t say. I got good at obeying to manipulation.
My childhood revolved around that for a false sense of peace, a pretend if you will. It’s when I grew older is when what felt like insanity, or mental illness, as this question asks, began to take over.
It came out through dating toxic women, rage, anger, binge eating, binge drinking, spending money, making money, traveling, not being able to sit still. All while confusing it all with madness. Madness isn’t insanity, it’s exhaustion, and it’s exactly where I am.
Positivity wears a mask that healing will never compete with. To heal you have to feel, and if you feel right, there is nothing positive about it. I’m so fucking tired of people telling me to think positive. Have the people who say it are the most miserable mother fuckers out there. And the scary shit is, many are blind to it. They are just a “puppet” and a damn good one at that.
