How Can You Find Someone Worth Dating Who Hasn’t Sworn It Off?

And if you find them, are they worth it?

Chris Freyler
4 min readDec 29, 2021


Photo by Damian Barczak on Unsplash

I look at myself as a decent catch, maybe. I don’t have all my shit together, but I do know what “shit” I am working on getting together.

I am just now beginning to unravel my childhood trauma and the trauma bond of a toxic four-year relationship. I am on the tail end of it, but still a little difficult. I’ve also recently given up drinking.

Was I an alcoholic? I’m not too fond of the label. I know I would drink for the wrong reasons, and when I drank, I drank way too much. It negatively affected my life and wasn’t helping me accomplish goals that I kept setting and failing at miserably. I could binge drink with the best of them.

One thing I have going for me is self-awareness, and I am open to constructive criticism. I’m getting better at communication and not taking things personally, and I am a caring, thoughtful guy. Am I perfect? Hell no, but I am open to all suggestions on how to be a better me. And I welcome a girl in my life that can help me achieve that goal. As well as her being open to self-growth too.

Do they exist? I’m not sure. I’d say there are a few out there, but you won’t find them on a dating app or in a bar.

I’ve had one 17-year relationship that ended after being married 12 years. After that, I had two shorter relationships; one was 1.5 years, and the other just over four years on and off. The last one put me on a path of purpose and self-discovery. I NEVER want to repeat what I went through with my last girlfriend. My mental health wouldn’t survive another round of the manipulation.

All the red flags were there, but I wasn’t secure nor aware enough to see them and move on. I dove headfirst and paid the price with pretty bad emotional abuse.

Relationships have a way of changing you. If you pay attention to the lesson at hand, the most painful ones are where growth starts. I am far from where I want to be but would love to find a girl on the same path. One where we would support, love, and accept one another as we are on our separate journey’s cheering one another on. Someone that realizes my worth, as I will hers. And we would never commit an act that…



Chris Freyler

Mistake Maker Extraordinaire .Writing from a place I don’t understand at times. I write to help myself, in return hope it helps you. Just another Quora guy.