How Do You Be You When You Want To Be Someone Else?

You become that someone else.

Photo by Matteo Vella on Unsplash

Since a little boy, I’ve been on the hunt for money. If it wasn’t money, it was approval and acceptance from others. The only problem in seeking those three things is they won’t bring Joy long term but will give you the illusion of Joy with the temporary Happiness.

So often, Joy and Happiness are confused. I believe Joy comes from the inner-self, it is internal, and Happiness can come from outside sources. That’s why I think some chase relationships; they are happy initially, but as time passes and personalities begin to clash, the Happiness fades. You end up thinking, what am I doing? This person has very little interest in how I live my life. The commonalities you thought you had don’t exist.

I believe if people have true Joy before pursuing a relationship, the chances of finding a compatible partner significantly increase. Once you come at peace with who you are, where you are, and how you are, you will experience true Joy. In doing so will bring the right people into your life, and not just in a romantic sense.

That’s the problem; I have always chased Happiness within people, places, things, thoughts, and events. All of those things proved to be temporary. That cycle left me in a never-ending chase of Happiness. But the problem was, I was going about it all wrong.

I never quite knew who I was or what I wanted to become. I would pursue things that everyone else was doing, even if it weren’t for me. I never had an interest in college, but everyone else was doing it, so I went. I majored in Physical Therapy, Commercial Art to the other end of the spectrum with Criminal Justice with a minor in Psychology.

I’m like a chameleon. I can adapt to any situation, keep my opinion to myself or slightly change it to adjust to the situation. I fear greatly what people think about me, which is a miserable way to live; I know I’ve lived it for the last 46 years. I chased the wrong people, ruminated about the bad thoughts, and ended up in the wrong situations.

It can be healthy to care what some people think, but a random stranger, why? My writing has helped me in this aspect. I am exactly what I put into words, even though the writing is difficult…