How Does One Stop Feeling So Deeply Ashamed of Oneself?

Your guess is as good as mine, but here is my short theory.

Chris Freyler
2 min readMar 4, 2022


Photo by YURI MANEI from Pexels

Start by doing less shameful actions.

There is an action that is creating your shame. Some thoughts can bring shame, but what you’re experiencing through “thoughts” isn’t shame; it’s conditioning.

There’s a big difference.

Most likely, you are repeating actions subconsciously to experience that same feeling of shame you felt in childhood. It’s fucked up, I know. But there’s no other way to explain it.

Shame is one of the worst, self-deprecating feelings one can experience.

We all fuck up and do stupid shit we are embarrassed about or ashamed of, but to keep repeating that behavior after the lesson has presented itself is where the problem lies.

In my opinion, you start from childhood and work your way through the “ages” your ages.

Find a good therapist to help you dissect your childhood with a fine-toothed comb.

Listen, it won’t be easy. I love to talk about it, but I’m not doing it, but I justify it by saying, “I’m trying.”

We all are fucking “trying.” Trying is the biggest cop-out word of the century.

Abusive people love to tell you they are “trying” to change, but don’t.

Anyone can “try.”

Putting your “try” into action is a whole new ballgame.

Start doing and not trying.

Shame has a more challenging time thriving in a world of good intentions and action.

Start there.



Chris Freyler

Mistake Maker Extraordinaire .Writing from a place I don’t understand at times. I write to help myself, in return hope it helps you. Just another Quora guy.