How Trying to Help Others While Not Helping Yourself Is A Bad Idea

I was raised to help others and forget about my needs.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

“Get over there and give grandma a hug, boy!”

There is a difference between encouraging healthy actions and forcing kids out of their comfort zone. When kids are forced to do things that are uncomfortable for them or something they don’t want to do, causes a lack of boundaries. I would reluctantly do it, even when I didn’t want to.

In walks the Co-dependent. “No” is the most cringe-worthy word in the Co-dependents dictionary. You will spend your whole life feeling guilty for doing things you did or didn’t want to do. It’s a miserable way to live.

For me, I can find the person with worst issues than myself. And more than likely, they are unaware of their problems, but god damn it, I can help them and fix them, even if they don’t ask for help!

I will also stay with the most abusive people in hopes of potential. They didn’t mean to cheat on me; it wasn’t that big of a lie. She punched me in the nuts because I pushed her over the edge, right? It’s my fault!

So, how do I, this co-dependent, learn to cope?

Escape.

Alcohol soothes the soul for all the hell I create in my life. If I am cheated on or lied to again, and I react and blow up, let’s drink and think about it.

If I feel like my ex is lying again and is covering up people she is talking to as she always does; let’s drink before I go to her house to settle my anxiety.

My ex and I are getting along; let’s drink and celebrate on our way home from our hike.

I used to blame everyone around me and my surroundings for fucking up. That isn’t working anymore. I choose who I allow in my life, and decide how I handle life situations. Saying no is the hardest thing for me to do. I will question if I am being selfish or genuinely want to help.

While I was trying to force more change on my ex the other day, it didn’t work. She doesn’t want to change; she has no reason to. She doesn’t work, has alimony coming in, and can drink with consequences she isn’t aware of yet, and I have to accept that.