How You Can Still Find Purpose When Your Life Feels Like a Disaster
Sometimes we need life to shake us up to take action.
In July 2017, I left a dead-end job in Cincinnati and moved to Vegas to gather my thoughts after a toxic relationship. I had no idea what the purpose was; well, I kinda did.
My purpose before the move was to not upset anyone, never say no, and chase happiness through other people. Better yet, what other people thought about me. That’s all that matter is what people think about me.
My life was over, so I thought. I couldn’t live without my controlling ex-girlfriend. I was on yet another silent treatment, and it was destroying me.
I tested the waters in Vegas and stayed with my sister for the summer.
Once I got there, I realized nothing was different. I had other surroundings, but I was still the same old insecure, lost, and confused Chris. I thought very little of myself back then; I mean “very” little of myself.
I had an interview with a bakery in New York, New York in Vegas. I talked to the guy on the phone and discussed my previous experience owning a bakery and making wedding cakes. The guy loved me and said I’d be an excellent fit to manage his staff of 6 in the decorating department.
I arrived at the interview, and my anxiety was a 20 out of 10. I’m always early everywhere I go; I arrived 20 mins early, giving me enough time to overthink myself out of the interview, and I left. I would continue to do that 2 to 3 other times before landing a crappy sales job.
While I was good at the sales job, I felt I was deceiving people when in reality, I was. I was doing what I was told by the owner, and it came to a head. I lost motivation, and it showed in my energy. The place was a scam shop, and he ended up firing me. He couldn’t even do it himself; he had to have his mom do it. The biggest scamming narcissist in Vegas. I saw through his scam, and he got rid of me before I quit.
It’s here where I started going to Codependent meetings. I spent the next 3 months really hitting meetings and studying the 12 steps. I wasn’t doing the steps, but I went to several meetings a week. I met many people on the same path and place I was…
