Member-only story
I Flew Across The World to Repeat This Painful Lesson
Most miss the lesson because they won’t take their sunglasses off for the view.
I stepped on a plane to meet someone on the other side of the world. This was after a horribly manipulative relationship I finally managed to break free from a year prior.
I thought the time I spent alone, a year, while drinking of course, was healing me. I was nervous as fuck as I entered this “new found relationship.”
I told her I didn’t want to be hurt again. I started getting attached to her, and at times in my drunken stupors, I’d panic and tell her I’m not sure I could do this.
The fear of being trauma bonded again frightened the fuck out of me. Just the shear terror of having my abandonment issues triggered again made me want to fucking puke.
We promised one another this relationship would be different.
We said we’d take it slow, talk through the triggers and work with one another. Again, words, words, words, and when it came time to show some actions we always came up short.
My gut instinct screamed at me two weeks in, I ignored it. I was doing what we said, trying to understand her and have some patience. Then, it happened…
