I get that James. Hope you been doing well. Seems you might still have some cognitive dissonance as well as trauma bond.

It was imperative for me to keep going back I believe for my own healing. My list of horrible shit I kept reading didn’t do the trick.

I needed to go back into the trenches if he’ll and experience it again and again.

I finally surrendered. She’s who she is. I hope she finds happiness, but it won’t be with me. That’s the feeling of indifference I speak of.

I still feel some guilt, but I didn’t create her situation nor can I fix it. It’s on her. I think I attempted to lay a foundation in quicksand, it was never going to work.

Sure we had good times, but they aren’t worth mundanity of the lies and betrayal.

Take care brother.