We all write for different reasons.
I’m beginning to think it’s the complete opposite.
At times it drives me insane.
I had an a 5 hours conversation with a friend last night. For the most part, she just let me talk; she’s an excellent listener. And has a lot of patience listening to me for 5 hours!
She is an aware person with Borderline Personality Disorder with Anti-Social Personality Disorder traits. She has been in therapy for years, and it shows. She is straightforward with any topic we discuss. She explained to me how she had to have the right mindset for each person she talks with, and talks to me in a “victim” mindset. I cringe when I hear that word, but I understand her reasoning. She doesn’t have empathy nor guilt, I find that alarming and fascinating at the same time.
We talked about my “black and white” thinking as well as other things. After we got off the phone, I took some time to think about what she said.
I write solely about my past relationship and dabble in Psychology and Mindfulness. While I do stick mainly with the bad of my ex, she does have good qualities, and I find it extremely hard to find anything positive in her when I am in the “victim” mindset, it seems.
And yea, each time we get back together, especially this most recent time, it was almost like I was being idealized by her again, just as the relationship started. But with all the past lies and manipulation, I have a super rough time trusting anything she tells me. And in return, I have a rough time trusting others, too, now. Then my feelings usually get the best of me, or I would find out a new lie, and then the cycle starts again.
I’m very emotional. And when my emotions start flowing, every way she did me wrong comes to the surface. And looking back, I’m not sure if anything my ex ever said to me was authentic and honest. She probably tells everyone exactly what she hooked me with, and I honestly feel like I was just a number.
How can someone do the things she did have absolutely NO empathy for her actions?
She said she felt terrible for it, but she can so quickly turn her feelings off for me and run off or start talking to another guy. For the life of…