It’s Scary When The Trauma Bond Breaks From The Narcissists
Every narcissist’s abuse survivor prays for the day the dreaded Trauma Bond breaks. They cling to the hope they can get some form of semblance to what life was like before the abuse.
But it doesn’t always go that way
If you’ve spent months, maybe years, in the relationship, breaking the bond can be a frightening experience; at least for me, it was. What I thought I knew, I didn’t know, but what I didn’t know, I knew. I know it sounds confusing.
The hardest part for me was the obsession was over. My days were no longer consumed with toxic thoughts of romanticizing the abuse I confused as love. I began to see her for who she really was and me, for who I was not. My whole world revolved around this one person.
My thoughts would terrorize me as I replayed all the men she was with while I sat alone waiting “my turn” again. It was a pathetic existence I became accustomed to and labeled it as love. I didn’t love her; I loved the potential of what would never come. I lived in a form of dysfunctional hope that existed, but not in the way most think.
When I became indifferent, it frightened me
I didn’t want this to happen. And I definitely didn’t want to really feel what she felt for me all along. How I feel now is how she felt about me from the beginning. She never loved me; she was indifferent. She loved how I made her feel and what she could extract from me; that’s it — nothing more and nothing less.
I was battling indifference, trying to fathom how someone could feel precisely as I thought in that moment when someone was so good to them. When she would come back, she didn’t “miss me.” She missed what I had to offer because she couldn’t get it from others.
When Narcissists return, it’s not because they miss you; it means they know you are one of the best “punching bags” in their rotation. They know exactly how many rounds you are suitable for until they finally throw you away.