One Reason People With Low Self-Esteem Never Believe Compliments
I wouldn’t say I don’t believe them; they just make me very uncomfortable.
It all stems from poor self-image. But many people with low self-esteem can never get enough compliments too. But I’m not one of them.
It all depends on my mood, too, and how life is treating me and how I’m treating myself. I look at how many people with Borderline Personality Disorder view people in their lives.
It’s like the all-white(good) or all-black (bad), which is determined by the amount of validation and approval I am getting that day.
I know it sounds fucked up.
My ex would compliment me a lot, but it never felt genuine. How? Because if she actually meant all the compliments, she gave me, then why do the things she did to hurt me? She had no conscience, just mean shit.
It’s very easy to see myself as all “good” or all “bad” at times, and I have trouble accepting the two can coincide with a “gray” area.
I believe this had to do with my childhood abuse. I was either praised as a “good” boy or shamed and physically and emotionally beaten for what my Dad viewed as a “bad” boy. I was five years old; I didn’t know.
I believe people with self-esteem issues that have trouble accepting compliments struggle with trust. It’s hard to explain. Compliments make me feel good but make me doubt myself simultaneously.
It almost makes me feel like I have an agenda in play when I don’t have one; I am just me. I question my intentions a lot, I believe, because of my past manipulative relationship. She used to tell me I’d do things for her only to remind me of what I do.
But that wasn’t the case. I’d remind her of what I’d do for her because I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t enough. I couldn’t understand the lies and other men. Why wasn’t what I was doing enough?
I did the things I did for her because I loved her. But it became painfully obvious she didn’t love me.
So for me, it’s trust. If someone compliments me, it’s does not feel genuine, or they want something from me.
I look at it as a manipulation tactic used to take advantage of me, maybe. Who knows.
I have a lot of work to do on myself, but taking it one day at a time.
I never really thought of this before but have had people tell me, “just take the compliment” if they only knew that, at times, that innocent compliment makes me feel like I’m dying inside at times.
I don’t like it.
So I try and avoid them at all costs.