Member-only story
She’s Chasing Something She Already Had
She knew it but wouldn’t accept it
It happened. I was lied to again by the person I love and deeply care for. Many have asked me, is it, love? I believe it is, and yes, there is a toxic level to it. But through all the pain that she has caused me, I want to take hers away. But in return, I am causing her more with my reactions of trying to understand.
I know my reactions to her abuse hurt her, and I hate that feeling.
Now she is off in a new relationship, not three days after we just spent a week together. I knew she was talking to other men, and it was almost an uncomfortable acceptance of mine, a toxic acceptance. I know many don’t understand it. But I bled the same way she bled. I was the fire, and she was the gas; we made the perfect flame.
I tried to show her I loved her and didn’t need anyone else; I so desperately tried. I’d help her around her house, and I love to buy her clothes; I LOVED to dress her; I loved that the most. I would cook with her, I would hold her, I would kiss her, I would support her, I tried. My reactions to the uncertainties and lies were damaging, and I know that. But I can’t make sense of the madness when you have a guy you say you love, but you have to have multiple more on the side if you two hit a speed bump.
