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Some things I recently became aware of in life that hurt me.
Taking regular personal inventory can change your view of yourself and your life.
Codependency: It’s not a favorable trait to have and even a tougher trait to recover from. That dreaded fear of negative emotions has haunted me most of my life. My whole life, I put others before me, even if it jeopardizes my health and well-being. People-pleasing is draining.
Harsh Truth: I have a terrible habit of speaking before I think. I am a lot better than I was six months ago, but I still slip up at times. And I can be brutally honest, which can be good and bad but does need filters.
Advice: I give unwanted advice all the time. It made me come off as a “know it all.” What I learned was just because you “think,” you know what’s best for a friend, loved one, stranger, etc.…NEVER offer advice when they didn’t ask for it. And if they do ask for advice, tread lightly.
Listening: I didn’t realize I sucked at listening. I mean, I suck! My mind runs 100mph, so I’m learning to slow it down and listen to who is talking and not listen to my thoughts of what I’m going to say.
Anxiety: Lord, do I have it, and please take-ith away! I’m learning anxiety can take all sorts of beating on the mind, body, and spirit.
Toxicity: I’m freaking toxic. And most people I surround myself with are just as bad, if not worse. And the relationships I choose are terrible. I surround myself with the miserable comfort I was conditioned to accept for years.
Feelings: I was never really allowed to have any. And if I did, they would always be the wrong feeling to have, at least that’s what my parents told me. And it sure as shit came back to the surface in my intimate relationships in my life.
BUT!!! The beautiful thing is, I know I’m a good person. I’m a great brother, a great friend, great stranger, great boyfriend, great uncle, and a great weirdo.
I did the best I could with what I “was” aware of. Now I’m doing the best I can with what I “am” aware of.
So, nothing about myself hurt me. It helped me become the person I am today.
