Member-only story
The 5 Stages of Grief are Essential When Healing from Narcissist Abuse
Nothing is more complicated than grieving someone still alive.
Since I started writing about Narcissistic Abuse about 1.5 years ago, I still feel stuck. I’m stuck in the cognitive dissonance to an extent but still, trauma bonded, but I never thought about the grieving process.
So, I looked it up. There are five states: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. Reading this threw me in a tailspin. It’s a hot god damn mess! While I am slowly seeing them for who they are, I have bouts of anger that can be nothing more described than black and white thinking; it’s frustrating.
I spoke to a friend the other night; she is an aware Borderline with Antisocial Personality Personality Traits(ASPD). She has been in therapy for years. It was fascinating to me how she said she adjust to who she is talking to because she doesn’t have empathy or guilt. But with therapy she is learning how to understand others circumstances and her behaviors.
We talked for 5 hours! It opened my eyes to a whole new world and understanding when she told me how I was “splitting” on our phone call. Not in the personality disorder sense, but in a way I’m drained emotionally. It was maddening that I would go from anger to guilt, to depression and every emotion under the sun. It was refreshing talking to someone that understood what I was going through. She explained all people aren’t all bad (I beg to differ that lol), but she is right.
She had me list three things I liked about this person. The first two were easy, but were they even true? The 3rd thing I couldn’t say because it was based on “if’s.”
She was caring, “if.”
She loved me, “if.”
She was understanding, “if.”
Then I today I get a text from a fellow follower here on Medium. He bought to my attention I seemed bitter and angry! I’m not going to lie, that stung a bit, but there is truth in it! Hearing him say that helped me face my distorted reality of what I believe progress is. I’m so fucking angry and bitter, he was right! It’s the flip and flopping that is killing me. I have to come to a point where I am indifferent…
