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The Chaotic Dance with the Narcissist.
“DING!” My text rings out!
“Thank fucking god it’s her, I feel so relieved!” It’s been 3 hours since my last text to her, and she finally responded. This is out of the norm of our texting pattern. But I “misbehaved” so, I understand her games, or do I?
I reached back out, but she is distant. I “misbehaved” the past week, she blocked and ignored me again. This always happens when I have a feeling or thought I want to address. BUT! She finally responded to one of my desperate pleas of self-deprecation, that’s all that matters. I need that “hit” of attention from my drug of choice, her.
I swore to myself many, many times I am building self-respect, worth and confidence! The hell if I’ll respond to her again! I’m not her convenience! I’m not! I treat her as a priority, and I demand the same treatment! I’m sick of being used as an object! But am I sick of it?
I will keep standing my ground! I keep busy with unhealthy and some healthy distractions. A couple days go by, I start questioning if she fucking care? Is it really all an act like I’ve read about? Are my close friends, family and therapist right? Is she abusive? I can’t believe it! I can’t. My normal human emotions and brain can’t fathom someone says they care, but does the most horrific shit! She needs time and my help. I know that’s all she needs…
