The Difficult Task of Developing Self-Worth After Abuse

Learning to give yourself what you need and not seek it from strangers is more difficult than you think.

R.I.P Bill. He was my buddy.

Mine isn’t so much attention, but it’s approval. Approval and validation. It’s embarrassing how much I am beginning to realize how my day will go if I fear I upset someone or they don’t like me.

I know where this wonderful trait came from, but getting it under control is a whole new animal to tackle. Childhood trauma exist in all of us, more so in some than others.

I have a YouTube channel. And looking and listening to myself on video is a form of self torture. I thought it’d get easier with time, but it doesn’t. Until I get a “like or a follow” I feel kind of worthless.

I had a channel before this one that was doing quite well in a short period of time. But then guilt consumed me because I felt bad for the person that set me on this path of trying to figure shit out and I deleted it.

I’m impulsive, approval seeking and insecure. Not much hope, eh?

My approval and validation is never enough. I mean nothing to myself, but random strangers online and those I meet through the day mean the world to me. Well, not to…