The most draining part of dating a Narcissist.

You will become a shell of what you knew yourself to be.

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

• Repetition: The feeling to keep repeating myself. Unless she was in her “vulnerable” state, my feelings didn’t matter. It didn’t matter how many times I reworded it or expressed myself, it still didn’t fucking matter.
• Overthinking: The back and forth of the “she loves me, she loves me not.” Damn exhausting. She would treat me like utter shit and do some of the most inhumane acts, then flip and act like the most caring person in the world! And even shed a tear.
• Drama: It was always something. And yeah, to the outsider looking in, I could appear to be an asshole. But if you are “in the know” as very few are, you know the drama and exaggeration that comes out of these peoples mouths. Anyone close to her “knows.” And they keep their distance.
• Feelings: I was very picky on what I share. Holding it all in until I finally blow. 95% of the time, my feelings didn’t matter. And if I did get fed up, I was gaslit to believe “it was always about Chris” I just couldn’t accept “she’s a good INFJ person.”
• Lies: The gaslighting and projection was the most damaging. There came a point I knew she was lying, but I almost subconsciously just “dropped it.” But that is a horrible thing to do! It was always stored in my “subconscious” mind and would resurface…