Trying to See The Good in a Narcissists Will Keep You Stuck

Their actions tell you everything if you will stop listening.

Chris Freyler
3 min readJun 3


Photo by James Barr on Unsplash

I’m not sure what kind of relationship I was in, but all points to Narcissistic Abuse. I’ve had three therapists tell me it’s Narcissism. I’ve researched the better part of 4 years, and all my research points to Narcissism. And I still doubt myself at times.

What’s the most challenging part?

  • Acceptance: Yea, it’s sucks accepting it all was fake. It’s hard to process that much of the relationship wasn’t real. I was nothing more than a “stand-in” while they look for greener pastures that do not exist.
  • Self Blame: Stay long enough, and if you are mind fucked just the right way, you will, and I mean, YOU WILL doubt yourself. You will want to take on the blame for your reactions to all the lies and abuse. They used the reactions to there abuse, as justification as treating you like they did.
  • Overthinking: You will break down that last conversation, that last argument, the last time you questioned their behavior, why they snapped at you. You will seriously overthink your way into insanity.
  • Trust: Let’s face it, most of us had underlying trust issues well before this manipulative person came into our life. They just came in and watered the “flower.” Trusting anyone will be a challenge now. You will question everyone’s motive in fear of being hurt again.
  • Realizing they didn’t care: I know, I know. Narcissists “act” like they care. They could “say” they care, right? But when reality hits you, you see the truth. Why is it when we “need” them we are “clingy, jealous, crazy, bipolar, mentally unstable, etc.?” They can have needs and wants, but damn it, if we do, we are bat shit nuts! But when they need us, we are there before they hang up the phone.
  • Self-respect: It’s not what you gain but what you lose. You will find yourself begging this person for what should come naturally from someone who says they love you. Hell, even if you “don’”t love someone, you don’t treat them like this.
  • Psychological warfare: The mental abuse is unreal, from the subtle lies, the gaslighting, the projection, to the blame-shifting. It will psychologically break a person. It’s their subconscious defense for survival. It’s a war that can not and will not be won or understood.

In reality, the hardest part is really seeing how cruel another human being can be to another. I mean, it’s not surprising, but it still hurts.

You will go through hell and high water, losing friends and family while you want to believe this person. But all they do is talk out both sides of their mouth. That is, unless they need a “pick me up,” then you are the best person in the world again.

You know they aren’t trustworthy. You know they lie, but breaking the trauma bond is the most challenging part.



Chris Freyler

Mistake Maker Extraordinaire .Writing from a place I don’t understand at times. I write to help myself, in return hope it helps you. Just another Quora guy.