What do Narcissist want?

Chris Freyler
3 min readAug 9, 2021

What they want is something they will never get, the perfect partner.

Photo by Greg Willson on Unsplash

I’m not sure what they want, because each one is different.

I believe this is what both partners want, because the one that dates the narcissist is just as guilty:

1. Love: They both want love, but both go about it the wrong way. I believe the narcissist really feels in love with the person at first. Then their natural instinct kicks in and sabotages it. Then the partners instincts kick in, and they try and change the whole dynamic of the relationship, when it’s done at that point! Then we end up taking on the victim role, which very much keeps us stuck! While we play just as big of part.

2. Control: Both partners are fighting for control. While we try and make them change their behavior, they keep showing us they aren’t capable. So, it becomes a push/pull dynamic of control. “Please treat me better!” But I can’t!

3. Manipulation: The narcissist manipulates in their own way. Lying, gaslighting, changing the narrative, but don’t we also? We test them, to see if they love us, at least I did. “Maybe if I do this, or that, she will love me, right?” Wrong, it’s a form of manipulation. I knew it, it was shown to me many, many times, but I wouldn’t believe it.

4. Chaos: That’s right, we both LOVE chaos, and both will deny it, and I think both believe it. I know I did/do. I’m just now coming to terms with it all. We must crave some kind of chaos to stay in a relationship like this. Something about it is comfortable. Think about that. A miserable comfort is what it is.

5. Victim card: Oh, the poor, whoa as me mentality. I get it! It’s me, still to a sense. But we both play it, and both are blind to it. We can only let a person treat us badly one time, maybe two! After that, it’s on us. Time to look at our own issues and not blame the abuser. I hate the word victim. It almost conditions the partner to live and try to just survive, when they can make plans to exit, and thrive! It’s not easy, I know that!

6. Closure: Yea, sounds weird right? We fight like hell for something they are unable to give. I imagine it drives them mad they can’t forget about us!? You think it’s enjoyable for them to go stalking social media and seeing what we are up to…



Chris Freyler

Mistake Maker Extraordinaire .Writing from a place I don’t understand at times. I write to help myself, in return hope it helps you. Just another Quora guy.