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What if The Person Who Hurt You is Also The Person Who Can Help You Heal?
That’s just another trauma response of superficial hope.
You’re about as fucked as you will ever get if you believe that bullshit. I lived that life the last 7–8 years. “If, if, if.” You will start believing so many “ifs” you will forget to look at the “why’s.” The stark reality is you will have to dig deep within yourself, that’s the only way to thoroughly heal.
I just realized I’m trying to heal myself through a relationship, and that will never work. Because the girls I attract, or better yet, the ones I’m attracted too, are the ones who bring out all the unhealed trauma from my deep past.
I allow many “chances” before their time is up. And when the last chance hits, it could be the 3rd, maybe the 10th, my internal rage meter triggers, and it’s time for me to give them a dose of what they wanted all along. “A reaction.” Then here comes my trauma in the most raw form, and it isn’t pretty.
It’s in this reaction they can play the “you did this bullshit,” but will never admit the “why you did this bullshit.”
Then I spend months, maybe years, trying to convince this cock sucker of my worth. All while looking like a pathetic ass-wipe as I beg, give, hope, pray, listen, and continue to…
