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What if You Don’t Feel as Creative Without Booze?
It’s no secret I’ve struggled with binge drinking for years.
It’s come to a head; I am sick of it and myself. What was once a fun and relaxing way to escape me, and life is no longer working for me? What I never paid attention to was how much the booze affected my mood and motivation to do almost everything.
How booze supports a toxic relationship
I’ve had three relationships in my 48 years of existence, and all three of them included heavy amounts of alcohol on weekends, vacations, events, and just about anything — especially my last ex. The wind would blow in the right direction in the morning, giving us a reason to drink.
My last relationship was really when I began to look at the pattern of my drinking. It was hard not to when I was looking in a mirror most days with her. The difference between her and I was I knew there was a problem, and she denied it.
We were both drinking to cope with trauma. Again, I am aware of my trauma; she wasn’t aware of hers. She thought it was normal to lie, cheat, manipulate, hit me, lie, and cheat; yeah, that’s normal. That relationship intensified my drinking, as did the break up when the trauma bond kicked in at full force; it was fucking brutal.
