Member-only story
When Life Doesn’t go as Planned
Was there ever a plan? What’s Life supposed to look like in your 40's?
I’m currently lying in a Vegas hotel room with ruminating thoughts.
While I’m three years out of 45, I feel like I was in the same place then as I am now, but maybe a little worst off now.
35,45 or 55, it’s all the same on the big picture.
I’m divorced and married 12, together 19. It’s a long time to be with someone and no longer have contact with them. It was more than half my life.
I’m mostly alone. I live alone, eat alone, hike alone, and have a “few” quality friends. And no kids.
Many of my friends went the married route, corporate job, house, kids, pet, 401k, etc. I went the unconventional route.
I’m out of a relationship where I thought she was the “one.” But apparently not. I spend a lot of time with all kinds of emotions about her. I cycle through every emotion under the sun quite often.
Trying to convince myself I could help her when I couldn’t help myself. We are the real toxic “Bonnie and Clyde” or possibly “Romeo and Juliet.” The anger I carry is exhausting from all the betrayal and lies. I’ll never understand her. I tried, damn did I try.
