Why Carl Believes Awareness is The Cause of Major Depression

The more we know, the worst off we are, no?

Chris Freyler

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Photo by name_ gravity on Unsplash

Carl had a rough childhood. But not as harsh as others, but enough to fuck him up.

Yea, Carl knows it’s his problem, and others have worst and weathered life just fine, but he’s not one of them. So he’d appreciate it if you’d not remind him of yet another failure in life. He has enough anxiety to deal with.

Carl’s life

He was brought into the world as the only one “planned,” but the one that took the brunt of the abuse. He was raised back in the ’80s when beatings were the norm, and depression didn’t really exist, or “maybe” it did. Maybe feelings didn’t matter back then, but now they are over-glamorized, and the “manipulative” prey on what the weak are afraid of.

Carl didn’t have time to be depressed. He was too busy trying to please and appease those around him. Or trying to find work to scrap some cash together, because his family wasn’t “rich.”

He knew little about who he was or who he wanted to be. He was going through the motions of life, but he always felt “off.” He wasn’t like those kids who “seemed” to have life by the balls.

If Carl wasn’t at home pissing his pants in fear, he was pissing them at school, fearing the bullies would still target him. The only relief Carl got at school was when one, or hopefully both, of the bullies, would be absent that day. Unfortunately, the days were few, far, between, so he rolled with the “punches,” no pun intended.

Self harm

There were times Carl would punch himself in the face in the mornings, hoping to get a black eye. Why, you ask? To get out of going to school, you idiot! Wait, what? How would he explain it? Who knows? Carl wasn’t sure. His fear of going to school was that bad. He didn’t give a fuck as long as he didn’t have to go.

But it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered is his eye never turned black, and his parents weren’t paying attention. They were too busy trying to make ends meet.

See, most parents “buy” the puppy but don’t want to “raise” the dog, at least adequately. Do you get my drift? There is so much that comes…

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Chris Freyler

Mistake Maker Extraordinaire .Writing from a place I don’t understand at times. I write to help myself, in return hope it helps you. Just another Quora guy.