Why Does Self-Care Seem Like Such A Difficult Task?

Even if it’s miserable, breaking away from what is known is a difficult pattern to break.

Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

I woke up this morning not groggy or hungover from drinking my feelings or binging myself into a food coma.

My alarm went off at 4 am; I love getting up early.

I went into my kitchen to start my Green Tea with juice from half a lemon. I put on a meditation track a friend recommended and sit on my floor to practice breathing for 2–3 minutes, or as long as my anxiety-ridden brain will allow.

My thoughts are out of control at times.

I brush my teeth, get dressed, and head out to drive Uber. I love driving in the mornings; the earlier, the better. But any time before 3:30 am, you risk some shady passengers, so I wait until 4–4:30 am and head out.

I catch myself trying to go back into old patterns of thinking. And if I start accepting those thoughts and ruminating, it generally leads me into destructive patterns of self-sabotage later in the day.

At times I really struggle to fight off the personal demons that surface.

I try not to think about life too much while driving. I will talk with passengers after I feel them out. If not, I just…